Current mood:	depressed
Entry tags:	depression, friends, grad, university, uplb

What I hate the most nowadays.
Seeing how everyone else's photos look so happy, fun, cool, accomplished, active, etc -- all the positive aura you can name.

It's been two frickin' years, Mr T. I still hate Canada. I still am bitter. I still feel alone. I still feel lonely. I still feel not happy. I still feel neither black nor white. The dialectic of things is not working.

A part of me wants to drown in tears, and the other part just wants to slash my wrists or drown myself in sleeping pills. Everyone else's life looks happy. It's like a race to the finish line. The first quarter, I was prancing and running along my peers. On the second quarter, I was still with them, but not quite. The third quarter, I'm running at the same pace as the others, only a bit behind. And now for the fourth quarter, I just stumbled because of a gum I stepped on. I can't get my feet back into running. Everyone else seems to be unreachable, and even if they were reachable, I just gave up.

Most of the blame may be on me, but my agency is gravely affected by everything else that's happened to me. Come March/April of 2009, watch me die. )=