Rebirth

184 Journal Entries Later....

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 03:46:05 GMT

184 (including this) Entries.
Three years.
Through all the weird stuff that I've been through and survived.

I'm saying goodbye to my LJ blog (and along with it is my Multiply blog, I guess).

No, there no chance in earth that I'll stop blogging. I'll still blog, but I think I finally found the website/blog that I can finally call my "own" here in the world wide web. ^^

New Website/Blog.

Oh, and pardon the layout. I won't have a lot of time to edit it for the next several months (most probably a year), and no, it's not my emo website. It just so happens that I really like how "Mopish Poetry" sounds.

Busybody

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 06:37:25 GMT

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Okies, so I haven't written anything on my blog and I'm not sure why, I just felt that things lately have been so trivial. But honestly, things haven't been as trivial as I want them to seem to be.

What have I been doing during the summer?

Well, basically, I'm just going to work doing the night shift and bugging people to renew their subscriptions (with the bonus of taking their credit card numbers against their will because I've been a very bad girl). Aside from that, nothing really has been interesting at work. I barely saw my friends (or so I feel) because we seem to have been coming to work at different time shifts.

Moving on... We moved to our new home in July. Our possession date was the 28th of July but reality-wise, we moved in around the 30th. We love our new home, although there are some things that's best left unsaid, but to sum it up we really hate the previous owners. If you happen to meet a couple named Anthony and Chona Gonzales, can you tell them for me that they can rot in hell? And that's from the bottom of my kind heart. *sadistic/sarcastic smile*
Other than minor disappointments (well some are really major), we still love our home and we're starting to grow our roots. I walk about 7-10 minutes (depending on how much I indulge on the transition powers of my photochromic lenses) from our house to the bus stop. It's pretty far, but I'm getting used to it. Sunblock pl0x!
There's still some work to be done. We still haven't really indulged into buying the sofa set for the living room on the main floor, so til then, people who've been itching to see our house, please do wait til near the end of the year! LOL! (this is to my reach friends)

Hmmm.... Other stuff.... I've completely moved on from Lunia! Hurray!!! Minor detail, but seriously...take it from someone who knows. Online gaming addiction is a bad choice. I regret the 2 years I've wilted away in that game, along with the $300+ I spent on cash items which could have easily gone to an iPhone. Lol. But it's been a good experience because now I know that gaming isn't for me. Also, it was a good vent for the stress and depression for the past 2 years or so. Now, I'm happier.

Lastly, another thing I've been busy with is the Oral History Project and Exhibit that ANAK (together with Manitoba Museum and the Oral History Centre at the University of Winnipeg) is doing. I won't be doing the interviews, but I'm in charge of the tech and transcribing. I'm really looking forward to it and it's a really good experience as to my growth here in Canada. I know that I am Filipino, but at the same time I should realize that I am also Canadian. Change is always good and I'm really excited for this project.
The research team will be doing oral interviews with the 1st, 1.5, and 2nd generation of Filipinos here in Winnipeg. The first generation would be the first wave of immigrants to Canada. 1.5 would be children who were born in the Philippines but were raised in Canada. And the 2nd generation comprises of Canadian-born Filipinos. It will be so cool listening to those stories! Imagine that!
After all the interviews and history research are done, we'll be having an exhibit at the Manitoba Museum mid of next year. What we aim for is to showcase that we, as migrated people, have a history to preserve and that we want the future generations to know why we're here. There's more to a people's culture than the dances and the music and the food that you see at Folklorama every year. There's so much much to a culture that what's usually showcased and portrayed.

So I guess, that's everything for now. Oh, I forgot.... I've been nominated for the public relations position for the ANAK executive committee, but since I wasn't there I didn't know I am supposed to be there. But yea.... Well, I'm but a mere minion of Ate Darlyne, but I stepped up to the challenge because I think I really need it, and like Ate Dar always said: change is good. I'm hoping to learn lots from her because she's really one of those young Filipino women that I look up to.

School will start on Sept 9! Will be swinging by UofM on Friday (right after I go with Jem to UofW).

I ordered a Macbook pro 13.3" at the Apple Store online, and I'm still waiting for the shipment to come in. I'm excited (really) but the excitement is starting to get dampened because the shipment hasn't arrived yet! >_< And aside from the seemingly delayed shipment, my credit card balance skyrocketed and I have to put the next 3 months' paycheque to my bills. =X But I don't regret it, I buy good investment (or so I think). Anne's been sharing investment stuff back home in the Philippines. And I'm seriously thinking about it because I really do want to go back someday and live there. Two years countdown!

Chicken Wings

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 07:56:24 GMT

We held our chicken wings night yesterday. This time we went to Players because Ben didn’t feel comfortable going back to Hooters. (Seriously, he swore never to go back to Hooters ever again! haha! talk about conservatism!)

I’m happy that I’ve been able to go out lately. Whenever I go with my friends, it’s always my first time. The Ex, Hooters, Players, etc. Somehow it seems that the past 2 years of my surreal life is finally feeling more like reality. This is my home now. Canada is a home now. Winterpeg is home. And it seems that no matter how much I miss the Philippines, I’d want to stay in Winnipeg as well. Is this finally my “crossing-over” chapter? Is this the series of events in my life wherein I will finally be open-minded AND open-hearted about being a Filipino-Canadian? That there is something else out here that can and will make me happy aside from the possessions, dreams, and friends and loved-ones that I left back home?

Here, it’s easy to buy stuff. True, I have to almost put it on my credit cards, but still, to be able to pay it off in just a couple of pay days is pretty awesome. If I was in the Philippines, I may never be able to afford my computer, my iPod, etc. I would never have gotten photochromic lenses. I would never have been able to go out in the snow. I would never have had the ease of paying my bills online. Speaking of bills, I somewhat feel more grown-up because I can pay my own bills and some of the household bills. I’m not merely a free-lodger courtesy of my parents. If I was home, I won’t be able to feel the same independence similar to what I have now because I have to follow ground-rules my parents would set for me.

There’s so many things to love about this new home, and I am happy that I am finally appreciating it. I know I’ll be able to appreciate it more once I go back to the Philippines. But for now, this therapy is good enough to patch up 2 years worth of depression and hatred towards the whole world. Hehe.

Chicken wings or not, I’m content. The ambiguous, burning questions of “Am I depressed because I don’t go out?” and “Do I not go out because I’m depressed?” are slowly fading out of my system. Finally. It just took me a little longer to realize.

Whenever I feel down and low, I know that it’s just me and not the whole world caving in on me. Hehe!

~~~~~

10 days left before the big move!!!

Five weeks of being Lunia free!

Still things to do:

1. Have my degree plan for a major and a minor approved by my advisor. God, I’m so lazy to call the university!
2. Call Student Aid to freeze my loan.

~~~~~

Things to spend money on (in order):

1. Pay my tuition fees for A.Y. 2009-10.
2. Buy a dSLR camera
3. Buy a Macbook Pro
4. Buy a Wacom Bamboo Fun tablet (Medium)
5. Stuff to put into my room
6. Maybe a couple boxes of contact lenses (still not sure if I really do want to wear these)
7. so on and so forth.

LiveJournal Tags: friends,winnipeg,home,money,university

Spoken too soon

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 06:19:01 GMT

We are moving into our new home a month in advance! Woot! The previous owners found a place to stay in so they are giving us the opportunity to move in as early as the 15th of the month. I am so excited (and I just can’t hide it)!

I filed my vacation leave from the 20th – the 1st of August. Plenty of time to get used to everything.

Michael Jackson died a week ago. I dunno what the relevance is to me, but I just thought it’s appropriate to acknowledge a great man whose walk on earth has ceased.

I am so broke. I’ve spent so much on so little… And apparently, I’m putting too much emoticons on this blog post.

So, I am gladly accepting alms for people with kind hearts.

~~~~

Things to do before the week ends:

1. Call MTS and Shaw. Would you guys happen to know which provider provides better service in the ‘Peg? I want to switch from MTS kasi namamahalan ako at napapangitan sa service. When I checked Shaw, halos pareho lang rin, pero mas mabilis Internet ng Shaw kesa sa MTS.
What to do? What to do?

2. Finish my degree planning and call my advisor. Btw, I’ll be majoring in English and taking a minor in Anthropology. As much as I want to do a double degree, Anthropology is demanding 60 credit hours for a major! Too much! If I take that I won’t be able to finish my degree by 2011. Sana nga matapos na ako ng 2011. Sige na po please…..

3. Use the stuff we recently bought so as not to feel like we’ve just wasted money. By “we” I mean my sister and me. Use those freaking things every single day! Well right now we’re just using one, but we’ll use the other one as soon as we move.
4. Be pro and not slay Bantay pag nagbigay na sya sa akin ng lingguhang hatol sa trabaho.

LiveJournal Tags: moving,onions,emoticons,university,work,spending,money,degree,planning

Toothbrush, Cameras, and Kapatid

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 07:31:18 GMT

My mom (with her passion for dental hygiene) probably started cleaning my first tooth the moment it popped out of my gums. And ever since then, she forced me, (and convinced me) to take of my own teeth.

So, I grew up brushing at least twice a day (was more when I dormed in eLBi). I used manual brushes for most of my early years, til I recently discovered the joy of using a motorized toothbrush.

My mom wasn’t much of a fan of motorized toothbrushes. She said that they’re just all fancy and what not. But lately, I’ve been noticing how I can’t reach my molars so I don’t get to clean them as much. So back in December 2008, I secretly slipped a Crest Spinbrush with the rest of the grocery shopping. Haha! And viola, I’ve loved the brush since.

Now, I don’t know if my mom and sisters are shitting me, or they’re really serious that they (at least once) used my toothbrush out of curiosity….

~~~

June 29:
The Kapatids and ANAKs went to Fun Mountain as the year-end outing. It’s been really fun being with those kids for a school year. These Kapatids bring me closer to home and it’s really rewarding to see them adapt into this new world. And in this outing, Ate Darlyne said I just found a life-long buddy: Kuya Symmone! Haha! He read my status message on MSN (i.e. Nikon D60 or Canon Rebel XS?) and since he’s a budding photographer/artist (take note: he designed and took all the photos for the Filipino Community’s 50th year anniversary in Manitoba), he’s willing to help me out with my photography-related interest and urge.

So now, I am decided on buying Nikon for my first DSLR. I’m leaning towards buying a D60, but it can swing to D40. What won me over is Kuya Symmone. He has invested on buying everything from Nikon and really pointed me at a good direction such as taking into consideration the features, advantages, and resell price of the two brands I was pondering on, He even invited me to tag along when he has shoots to see what kind of photography I’d want to specialize in. I did tell him though that I don’t plan on going into portraiture because I’d rather photograph inanimate objects than subjective people. Hehe! Also, he said it will really help me to know someone who knows the brand so well because we can share and whatnot! Perks of purchasing a Nikon!

~~~

We’re moving in 7.5 weeks! After being in this hellhole of an apartment for 2years+, it’s nice to finally be moving into our own house. The family dynamics changed dramatically. And we’re all really excited moving into our own rooms! Oh the heaven of having my own private room again!

~~~

I’ve just recently found the interest in learning Photoshop. I’m currently using CS2 for the edits. I am not pro, yet! But I want to be good at it. Aja!

LiveJournal Tags: toothbrush,family,moving,house,photography,ANAK,Kapatid,photoshop

Time’s Running Too Fast, It Seems

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 21:23:16 GMT

Stan: Kez, you’re the most laid-back person I have ever met.
Kez: Really? x-x That doesn’t sound so good coming from you….
-a conversation 2 years ago

My friends back home (well, mostly people back home) never believe me whenever I tell them that I pretty much don’t care about a lot of things anymore. How I just stopped being all grade-conscious and such; how I don’t mind how people think of me. I just found myself indifferent to the usual things I stressed about so much when I was younger.

Believe it or not, I actually like it this way. Being laid-back and relaxed. Not stressing a lot. Although I like this slight variation of me, I have to start getting back some of me. I’ve been blabbing about this for the past year, but I never did it.

So what’s making me think about all these all of a sudden? It has something to do with insurances. I cancelled an insurance coverage I have and decided to keep the other one. Now, I have to think who’s going to be my beneficiary/(ies). Sooner or later, I have to buy a house, pay mortgage and other…well…adult stuff.

I feel like time’s going too fast.

LiveJournal Tags: life,future,insurance

Short-lived….

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 07:57:38 GMT

I vividly remember trying to unplug the “male plug” (Kez: “Seriously, the guys who named the male and female plugs are perverts. Dex: “hahahahahaha!”) of my mobile charger from the extension. When I pulled it out, I realized that my phone’s battery is on its last straw so I decided to plug it back. I connected the opposite end to my phone and left it there for the whole night (if you still call 3am-12pm nights).

At the bus stop, I tried powering up my phone only to realize that it’s still low on battery. So I just shoved it down my jeans’ pocket. I got back to it at work (it’s still dead) and I heard some weird buzzing sound coming from the back side. So, I immediately took out the battery. That stopped the sound. So I tried powering it up again but to no avail.

My freaking LG Neon is officially dead. It’s so disappointing because I only bought this on March 9. Errrrrrrrrrr……

Sucker.

~~~~~

My current job is so unstable at the moment. We are getting shorter shifts (the jobs seem to end so quickly). I don’t know if my next week’s schedule was a mistake or something else. I must find another job soon….

~~~~~

My article’s out on Pilipino Express.

LiveJournal Tags: blog,writing,article,phone,job

Simple Things That Amuse Me….

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 06:54:01 GMT

A friend of mine told me, "Kez, the simplest things amuse you. I bet that if I give you a piece of paper and a knife, you'll be having the best time of your life." (god, Stephen makes it sound like I'm so shallow! )

Well, I've been playing these flash games occasional and it's so funny (and frustrating) how these little games amuse me.... ~.~ I'm going nuts trying to score higher!

Sugar Drop
Penguin Stack
Fly Away
108th Birthday

The most frustrating and amusing one would be "Sugar Drop" (my personal best is effing 17).
Try them for yourself.

P.S. You don't need to sign up to ijji games to play.

LiveJournal Tags: internet,games,ijji,online,memories

Yesterday

Fri, 15 May 2009 21:52:32 GMT

I woke up close to 12nn.
I watched the Korean show I’ve been watching for days.
I played Lunia for a bit when my friends asked me to help them do this stage.
I got ready for my volunteer work at DMCI at around 2.45p.
I left at 3.25p.
I boarded the bus at 3.31p and got off at McPhillips to take the next bus.
I waited for 30 minutes.
I thought there was some sort of strike because two “Not in Service" busses passed by.
I called the bus service only to find out that the next bus is coming at 4p. My volunteer starts at 4p.
I decided to head home.
I waited for the bus, again. It was late.
I put the envelope I was holding inside my sweater (it was a chilly day of 2C).
I started walking homebound.
I even gave my mom a call to pick me up. Unfortunately they weren’t anywhere near my location.
I absentmindedly open my sweater.
I tried waiting at the next bus stop.
I finally saw the late bus.
I then realized that the envelope was missing.
I decided to trace my steps to find it – there’s $50.00 in that envelope.
I found it sitting on the sidewalk.
I picked it up while the bus drove by.
I had no choice.
I walked.
I realized, while I was walking, that I haven’t strolled the neighbourhood in such a long time – 2 years.
I took at stop midway.
I entered the local shop and bought a Jones Green Apple Soda bottle.
I opened the bottle and underneath the cap it says, “Your job needs more concentration. Success will be achieved.”
I laughed. It was either Fate telling me that or just my psychological processes kicking in and finding association.
I continued walking.
I was watching out for canker worms half the time.
I saw how everything is becoming green. Everything’s starting to grow back.
I asked myself, “When are you gonna grow back, Kez?”
I arrived home after a 30-minute walk.
I found myself to be relieved after that walk.
I was expecting to be pissed off.
I had fun.

LiveJournal Tags: spring,walk,self

21

Mon, 04 May 2009 01:39:27 GMT

It’s funny how I don’t feel as old.

LiveJournal Tags: birthday

Water the Wilted Flowers

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 00:45:46 GMT

I am not a big fan of these stainless steel water bottles, but I was walking pass Starbucks and it caught my eye! I just had to buy it! >_< Also, it's a good "investment" because the university I am going to have tree huggers of a student council. `-` They are banning the sale of bottled water.............. >_>;; I mean, I know that the environment is an issue of utmost importance, but we have to draw the line somewhere.

Also, another reason why this thing is worth it is because I bought it for “free.” When I activated my Duetto Visa, Starbucks loaded $25.00 on my Starbucks card so yay! I didn’t spend a penny. :3

~~~~~~

On a side note, my sister and I are planning to move out in the next couple of months (if things aren’t really going to change). I’ve been getting advices contradictory to what Jem and I are planning, but yea… )=

If anyone in Winnipeg knows of a nice apartment (1 bedroom is ok for now, we can share), please do tell.

~~~~~~

Final exams are on the way. ~.~

A Folder Deleted

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 06:58:37 GMT

I’ve kept this folder in my e-mail Inbox wherein all my ex-boyfriend’s e-mails were stored. It’s been there sitting for 3 years. Finally. Today. As I browsed some messages, I came to the conclusion that I don’t need to keep those anymore. They are good memories, but memories that you should let go at some point.

Last news I heard was his marriage to a girl I wish I’ve met. I want to tell her that she got a good guy who’s going to take good care of her.

Three years ago, my heart was taught how to love by this man. And three years after, I’m glad we met. I’m glad we have memories that I’ll keep. Things may have changed, but I will always wish you all the best of happiness in life.

To my ex-boyfriend, BB: goodbye and good luck! May you receive all that you have given in the past.

I’m happy for you. (=

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is something so random, Lol! I was just going through my stuff and realized I need to clean up a lot of things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today at work, Kuya Ed, Lawrence, and I were contemplating about couples living-in together. It was a consensus amongst us that it’s ok. I think it’s ok.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snowiest day of Winter. LOL. Just before spring.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone should really watch Being Erica. It’s the most awesome Canadian show I’ve ever watched (the second one will be Corner Gas, lol)! Season 1 finale next Wednesday! <3
I really hope they don’t kill the series. It’s a well-written TV drama that I will sacrifice winks for! ^^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last week of classes next week! Woot!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have a boyfriend. Yes, I do. He’s an amazing guy and I wish to see him soon. I miss you, Dexter. I’ll be waiting here. ^^ You keep me sane, and for you, I’ll revive blogging.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LiveJournal Tags: ex-boyfriend,being erica,living-in,couples,boyfriend,dexter. snow,winter

Love You Til the End – The Pogues

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 05:33:35 GMT

I just want to see you
When youre all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I cant escape
I love you till the end
I just want to tell you nothing
You dont want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why dont you just take me
Where Ive never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you till the end
I just want to be there
When were caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
Im lost for words dont tell me
All I can say
I love you till the end

I miss you already, Dex. )=

Effing Telemarketers…….

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 06:25:33 GMT

I have been a telemarketer for almost two years now and never in the entire duration of this "McJob" do I remember that I have ever insulted a customer like the following situation....

See, last weekend a telemarketer for RBC called me regarding my Visa. If I didn't know them and I didn't have any business with them, I would never have answered the call (unless, maybe it's a survey).

So my sister, Elle, handed me the phone.

Me: Hello?
TM: Hi? Is this Ms. "Kiza?"
Me: It's Ke-zi-ya.
TM: Oh. Can you understand English?
Me: [very insulted and very pissed-off and almost shouting] Of course, I CAN!

What a fucking idiot. Seriously.

I know that my English is not "perfect" and there are instances and circumstances when I can't understand idioms and cultural-context-related meanings. HOWEVER, I can ABSOLUTELY understand the eff that telemarketer was saying.
When I worked at Ipsos, we were told never to ask a respondent if s/he can understand English even though they couldn't. At Reach, we're polite enough to just shrug our shoulders and just recall subscribers who can't understand English. But this person was just so rude! I've never felt so insulted in my life. Just because I don't have an American/English name DOES NOT mean I'm a non-English speaker. What an IDIOT. I can tell if a person can or cannot understand English in the first 10 seconds of the conversation, but she's so STUPID AND RACIST that she can't even tell that I can, indeed, understand her. Why else would I open a Visa account in an English-speaking RBC branch if I didn't? What the eff.

UGHHHH.

I bet if that telemarketer takes the TOEFL, she'll FAIL big time. And to think she's the one with the English name.

Pfft.

I should really call RBC and tell them that I don't want their credit card insurance because I was rudely treated by their telemarketer.

Wth…..

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 03:40:28 GMT

I’ve been posting private blogs, lol. Also, my computer was down for a couple of days and after several head bumps and lots of frustration, I finally got it fixed! Thanks, Ate Astride for reminding me that HP has System Recovery. Lol…. I was so ready to buy a Dell tower online if this stupid thing didn’t work. >_<

So…..

Having no public posts for February doesn’t mean that I didn’t do anything. Haha! I’ve been really busy these past few weeks with the midterms, essay, and other stuff.

February 21

I went with the Kapatid Outing at the Forks. It was uber fun! Although I suffered from body pain a couple of days after the outing, it was worth every hurting bone in my body. x-x

First, we went skating. OMG! I wasn’t expecting skating to be that hard…… ~.~ I mean, I did skate … 11 year AGO! Lmao! I was 10 when I first skated at SM Las Pinas. Maybe the difference between then and now is the fact that there are no railings at all! >_< Katrina and I were like idiots screaming! At first we were just cruising around the rink, but it was someone’s “brilliant” idea to go down to the river and skate! I knew I wasn’t going to last soon, but I went either way. =.=

When I refused to go any further after falling a handful of times on the very slippery ice, the Earth suddenly became a pancake. Good thing was, two of the the ‘kapatids’ were there (funny side note: these boys didn’t want to skate and so I was Miss Jolly who was trying to convince them to skate. O, tis the irony!) and one of them, Amiel, helped me go back to the rink…. =.= On our way back, Ate Nenneth helped me as well. T_T

I don’t want to skate again. `0`

Then we went tobogganing which was a MUCH SAFER activity. Lmao! I only tried it once. =3

All in all, I feel connected with the new kids than I was with the kids from last year. It was one of those moments of epiphany when I finally see myself as a Filipino-Canadian. You know? It’s similar to the feeling of being one with everything surrounding you. For the first time in a long time, I felt like my feet belonged with the snow I was walking on.

It was a happy day. (=

~~~~~

Yung trabaho ganon parin. Bwiset parin yung bwiset naming pinuno….. Ang kupal ng putang-inang mukha nya. Gago sya! >:O /sorry for the language….

~~~~~

University work sucks me dry of energy. When I did my English presentation on Goodnight Desdemona, Good Morning Juliet by Ann-Marie MacDonald, I was so worried that it will be like the first presentation I did. Well, I think this one’s a bit more interesting personally. I actually like the reading material that was assigned (or I chose rather). If you have time I really recommend that play. If you like Shakespeare, you’ll definitely be able to appreciate MacDonald’s work.

On the other hand, my Philosophy essay was late for 3 days. 15% off my grade. Woot…. I also wrote a test today for the said class and bleh. I am the best slacker ever.

I missed 3 Mythology classes stressing over that Philosophy paper which I wrote on happiness. Lmao.

~~~~~

March 9

Yay! I am not techy, but I am happy because I have a phone that I am really REALLY loving at the moment.

LG Neon in Pink! :D

It’s an awesome phone! I would love to have an iPhone, but this is a good alternative. Rogers.com gave me a promo so I took it. Nice eh? :D /must learn how to text with QWERTY keys…

~~~~~

March 10

My mom took Jem and I to her school to have us as her “subjects".” LOL. I forgot all about the DST (Daylight Savings Time aka +1 hour) so I missed my myth class…. I really didn’t want to miss it but I did anyway. ;-;

~~~~~

Right now, our suite looks like a junkyard. My parents have been rummaging through a friend’s house who is moving. >_>’' But hey, some of the loots are nice…like this desk lamp… Lol.

~~~~~

Dex and I are in a rough patch. Well it’s not us fighting. He’s moving away and we won’t be able to talk as much as we always do. )= We’re both stressing this. T_T I feel like I’m not making it any easier for him. )= I don’t want him to worry about me, but I dunno…. I keep feeling so lonely with him going away…. )=

Don’t worry too much, Dex. I’m here. I’m waiting. Ok? (=

Technorati Tags: happy,anak,kapatid,friends,myth,philo,english,essay,dex,computer,crash

Japanese dinner (ugh I feel so full)

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 07:07:10 GMT

Mythology compelled me to go out on a Saturday off from work. My lazy, sleepless body rolled out of bed at 7.04am (47 minutes later after my alarm clock ticked). It’s funny how I learned how to just roll out of bed, wash my face, brush my teeth, take a really brief shower, and go out into the world without caring a lot about what people had to say. >_< It’s funny really. =.=

Back to my Myth project, it’s a really good thing that my group is a really fun group. I know I don’t talk as much and I feel like one of those people I was grouped with back home, who I really scorned and frowned upon. But they’re really nice and I’m so thankful! We managed to finish all the scenes we needed to film – a week and a half earlier! Hehe! Thanks a lot to them. (= And it was so cool that one of my group mates’ grandparents’ lent us their apartment suite to film our project. Woot! ^^

~~~~

When I came back home, it’s really warm (I think the high today was 3C) but snowing. I was so stupid to have waited for the bus for 10minutes+ without gloves and a hat on. The moment I entered our apartment building, I started to feel sick. x_x Seriously. That was stupid.

Ate Astride, our friend from work, came back from the Philippines, and so we thought we’d have dinner together. I was thinking of bailing out the last minute, but then I realized, if I was the one who asked them to eat out and they bailed out on me, I’d be really upset. So, I went. Good thing was, Ate Astride bought a new car (ZOMFG, her car’s awesome!) and she just picked me up and drove me back after dinner, too. So fun! <3

Kuya Ed, Ate Astride, Lawrence, Marj, and I went to Miso (a Japanese buffet). Man, I’ve never eaten so much Japanese food in one sitting. Haha! It was awesome! We had to eat everything or else they’ll charge us a dollar for every single thing we didn’t eat. *groan, so full* It was worth it, though, coz we got to talk and laugh. I’m so happy whenever I’m with them and I really thank (god) for bringing us together.

And since it was Kuya Ed’s birthday on January 29 (ok, seriously, Kuya Ed didn’t tell me when it was exactly, so I greeted him 20 days earlier) , he treated us to an after meal Starbucks drink. Hehe! Even though the guy who made my Mocha Latte put whip cream on my drink, it still tasted good with friends to share with. Ugh! I’m being so mushy, but I just thought I’d really share the experience. <3

As the wet snow fell on my bonnet-covered head, we took pictures and laughed at how the snow covered our faces and other menial stuff. The snow crunched under my boots, but I felt like jumping up-and-down, singing. Winter felt nice.

~~~~

On the trip back home on Ate Astride’s car, it was nice as well. It’s good to tell friends that I am reserved. I hate having to keep it to myself. Hehe! It’s fun.

~~~~

Despite my headache, I really enjoyed today. Thanks to all the nice people I’ve met along the way. Winnipeg is starting to feel home. Am I scared? Yes. Worried? Yes. Excited? Yes, yes.

Oh, lol, I accomplished one of my goals so far: go out with friends at least once a month. Haha!

~~~~

I love you, Dex! Hehe! Now, you really have to come up to Winnipeg and hang with us! Haha! ^^;

~~~~

LiveJournal Tags: work,friends,canada,winnipeg,adjustment,dexter,starbucks,japanese,dinner

karma

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:01:40 GMT

LiveJournal Tags: lovelife,karma,dexter

It’s funny how things come around and the things I’ve said before will haunt me for the rest of my love life with anyone else.

Ironically funny, he says the same exact thing I said to my ex. Oh yea, LoLo, I remember what you told me about how much it hurts when you are told that.

Fucking last episode of Chobits. I used to believe in it. It’s not true. People will still rather end up unhappy and alone that being unhappy but together. What a joke.

~~~

Maybe this is my punishment for hating people too much.

Lol @ January

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 21:18:54 GMT

So this month, I’ve been so screwed up. ._. Basically, it’s regarding university.

Cramming efforts:

1. My prof for Mythology seems to have devilishly planned to have a major essay to be due on the week after the holiday vacation. I finished my essay 2 hours before the deadline ._. I even implicated Dex to finishing some of the drawings for my project. )= My poor, poor dear had to sketch the night away. `-` I should really stop slaving him around. >_<

2. My Philosophy prof scheduled a test on the 2nd week of class. I did not study. Again. `-` I don’t know why, but I can never get myself to study Philosophy for more than 2 hours. I’ve read some of the things on the course material, but I never really took time to take notes and whatnot. Luckily, I just got my test back yesterday and I got a B. Lol. If only I would have read the material more, I would have been able to get an easy A. His tests aren’t so bad, it’s just that I’m so bored and I can’t bring myself to study.

Another screwed up scenario: Spending.

Usually, I don’t really have spending problems, but just the other day, I was walking around the mall looking for something to do before my shift starts. So, I went inside the music store only to find myself at the counter paying $50+ worth of music alone. ._. It may not be a really big deal to most people, but seriously, I’ve never spent so much on something like that before. Also, I found myself spending $70+ worth of gCoins for Lunia. WAHHHHH. I really must stop. ._. I keep reminding myself that I want to save up for my macbook by the end of February.

But honestly, I think the $58 worth of music that I bought is worth it. Jason Mraz is amazing! Fall Out Boy = <3. Mozart is so relieving. Utada Hikaru (although I was expecting a more mellow album) is nice as well. Next stop: convincing my sister to buy me that Chobits OST album I found in the oriental store! >:D

Check out my favourite songs from the Jason Mraz album I bought! Clickie!

Other irrelevant stuff:

This blog is written using Windows Live Writer. It’s so nice! <3 Also, I updated my Windows Live stuff, the mail finally comes with a calendar! ^^

Help me! >_

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 17:16:52 GMT

I don't make "New Year Resolutions"

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 17:55:02 GMT

But I do have goals that I would want to attain this year.

1) Pull through my courses' 2nd half and actually be able to prove to myself that I still belong in school (unlike some people I know). I should really pay more attention in class, actually read the readings, start early on my projects/essays to give myself enough time to procrastinate. I've been so HORRIBLE last semester. As in. Not kidding.
Add taking spring courses and declaring a major/2nd major to this one.

2) Quit Lunia - nothing much to explain. )= I have only one reason left why I'm still playing it -- Dex -- and he will be busy too and will try-out? for the US Air Force. He'll be gone. T_T It's kind of timely with my goal 1.

3) Read books outside of classes -- at least 10. UGH! I haven't done this in a while. Darn it. )=

4) Learn digital art. OMG! Someone teach me! I'm going to buy a Wacom Bamboo Fun tablet around the second quarter of the year hoping to teach myself.

5) Buy myself a Macbook by the first quarter of the year. Yes. A Macbook. JM got his and he is quite convincing on why I should buy myself a Mac instead of the original plan to buy a Sony Vaio. I was thinking, if I buy a Vaio, I'll definitely be tempted to install Lunia on that so I'll be able to log in more of my characters, thus killing my chances of concentrating for school work and digital art. So I figured Macbook has LESSER chances of taking that path, and it's a good laptop for digital art anyways. But I won't be able to buy that anytime soon because I just bought an iPod from the Apple store online (I could have gotten it cheaper at BestBuy or somewhere else, but I wanted something engraved on it so....) for $250. T_T

6) Find a full-time summer job OUTSIDE of the one I'm in right now. I don't think I can stand my hot summers with that effing idiot of a boss. =.=

7) Go out with my friends at least once a month. Hehe!

8) Open a savings account for university expenses and for planned tours/cruises/whatnots. I don't want to take another cent of loan from the government. =.=

9) Force myself to get back in shape. =.= My body has severely reacted to my depression and it really shows. )= Must.Stop.

10) Get in touch with my blog, my friends back home, and myself. I need to stop feeling a lot of angst (as Kuya Ed put it) and start being positive about the things around here. I still feel the need for a closure with the immigration thing and put myself at peace with everything. I need that hurtful slap in the face that I must move on already! Ugh.

Onus on me.

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 18:04:39 GMT

I take back what I said about my prof in English. He's not really that bad, only that I am admitting to the fact that I did not prepare for my projects and essays as much as I should have done. The onus is on me to make things interesting. Profs may be boring, but it's on me to find the drive to learn. )=

We had a one-on-one informal talk today about my performance in class. So far, he just elaborated on what I could have done for my research paper last term. Also, he did make suggestions (most I already know of) and that I should speak up in class more. He said he feels that I am more capable of doing more for class and that I am a seemingly shy but insightful person who has something intelligent to say.

Sigh.

I really need to get back into studying as much as I did before I got depressed and just wallowed about all the things that are sad and are making me depressed. I still think of suicide from time to time, but I don't know. I have new found friends from work (Ate Astride, Kuya Ed, Ate Jane, Lawrence, and Marjorie) and I'm happy to stick with them for a bit longer. Plus, I have Dex on my side.

~~~

I forgot to mention, but I had the best time ever since I came here to Canada last December 5. My friends from work and I went out for Videoke. It was awesome! I have never laughed so hard and so carefree for the past 2+ years. Some things are changing. I'm happy to have friends again.

~~~

I don't know what we're doing for Christmas yet. But I should be catching up on reading for Philosophy, writing my Mythology essay project, and reading things in advance for English. I must work on my writing. I must read again. I've gotten rusty! But no!!! T_T

~~~

I wonder what my Myth prof will say about my project proposal. I want to do a Myth-based MMO focusing on Zeus and his "adventure" (conquest?) before becoming the King of the gods. I asked Dex and Jun if they'd be interested in playing such an MMO. Both of them said that the idea is pretty interesting so far, but I don't know. Maybe they said that to shut me up, Lol! But yea, I am going to ask more of my gamer friends.

~~~

I'm writing this blog post from the University lab and there's like a table-ful of men trying to study for Chemistry (wahhh, all the -ose's. `-`). And it's freezing outside! D: I really need to buy a new winter jacket.

Junk in the Trunk

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 04:07:27 GMT

Well, it's not really from any trunk, it's just my desk. =p

My parents finally bought the shelf I've been begging them to buy for weeks. Hah! Now all my stuff are neat and clean. I've even uncluttered my computer desk. Woot! ^^

I am happy. (=

On Good Friends

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 14:01:35 GMT

LoLo and I had a long voice chat after TWO long years! Yay! ^^ I missed him so much and it's so nice to see that we're still friends. After all those times we seemed to have drifted apart, we'll always find ourselves strong together as friends.

Thanks, LoLo! (=

~~~~~~

It's nice to know that through my emotional tortures, if the guy loves me he'll see it through with me.

Thanks, Dex. I love you.

Emotional Torture

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 09:59:49 GMT

Why is it that when I love someone, I push him too much? It happened with my ex, and now it happened again.

Why do I always give myself emotional torture to push people who are dearest to me?

I pushed him to say those words of separation. I thought it would feel right somehow. But why am I feeling so crappy? My eyes tear whenever I roll his last words over and over again in my head like those movie reels. I can't breathe. I feel cold, my teeth grinding against each other. I feel like I'm about to faint.

For the past 6 months, he's been my comfort. And how did I pay him back? I paid him like shit. I took him for granted. I made him feel like crap as a man and as a partner. I slaved him around. I'm awful. I'm horrible.

He keeps asking me if I need him, I always said I do. But the fact is, I don't know. I realize that I do not necessarily long for him because I need him, but because I want him. Well, guess what, Kez! You can't fucking have everything, dumb ass!

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I'm so stupid! (sorry, Sam, if you ever come across my blog) Ang tanga ko! Ang engot ko! Hinayupak na pusang gala! Shit! Shit! Shit!

No matter how fucking much I swear at me, it's not going to change the fucking fact that he's gone. It's my fault. Ang tanga mo kasi, Kez, eh! Bakit ba ang tanga mo? Tuloy ikaw yung naiyak! TANGA!

Tigilan mo nga yan pag-iyak mo!
Bakit ba, eh gusto ko eh.
Wala namang mangyayari eh, useless yan!
Eh, gusto ko eh!
Tanga.
Oo na alam ko.

Another idiotic thing I did was, I burnt all my immediate ways of contacting him.
1) Text messages for the past 6 months - deleted
2) MSN buddy - deleted
3) xFire buddy - deleted
4) Other ways - deleted

I left him a message on the most unlikely place he'll visit, but I doubt he'll even go there ever again. Not with the memory of me, I don't think so.

*insert howls of sadness here*

He's gone. It's my fault. Why am I so fucking stupid?

There is a difference between
Loving someone because you need him
and
Needing someone because you love him.

FUCK. STUPID.

Not talking to him for a day feels like 10 days of goddamn hell.

Freedom of Expression, Equality, and Democracy

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 22:50:49 GMT

Philosophy class today.

I was rather groggy by the 2/3 of the class, but I was widely awake when the prof was on the page of freedom of expression, equality, and democracy. He stated his arguments about how Hate Propaganda may not be justified by the Freedom of Expression statement on the Charter of Rights and Freedoms of Canada in lieu of the Keegstra ruling of the Supreme Court.

While he was giving his lecture on this Keegstra person, a co-requisite reading by Mill says that Freedom of Expression cannot justify the Hate Propaganda that Keegstra taught his students (regarding the Holocaust being a hoax and such), because the Harm Principle is being violated by this particular act. Mark, my prof, said that he did a job interview at Providence (Rhode Island) on this particular topic, and the Philosophy department in that particular institution was shaking its head on what he had to say. Listening to him, I do agree with the argument that if Keegstra did state something that will cause his students to later harm people of Semitic decent (maybe), then it is morally wrong to hate a particular group. But he said when he was telling this to the people in the States, they were like, "Are you serious? How can you possibly go against the right to Freedom of Expression?"

I don't know about most people, but I really feel that Filipinos -- compared to Canadians -- are somewhat more tolerable about other people when it comes to Hate Propaganda. If you tell an educated person that the Holocaust was a hoax, then might as well hide some place, because you might be greeted with stones. =.= But I dunno. Maybe it's my personal opinion on stuff that I am pretty much convinced that Equality and the Harm Principle be considered over Freedom of Expression. You can express all the expression you would want, just don't mess with me and hurt a majority of people.

To be honest, I don't have any clue anymore what I'm talking about so I'm going to stop. Lol. Philosophy test is next week. I have a LOT to finish and a paper due the week after that, and I forgot that I do need to consult the prof before my presentation for English Fundamentals. D=

I'll leave you with your philosophical opinions.